Almost every time I’ve been forced into a dress, I’ve thought, “I wish this dress had pockets – where am I going to stash my lipstick, my Kindle, and a pen and some paper?” My life is not one that requires me to wear a dress with any frequency, a fact for which I am quite grateful, but dresses are still a topic I can’t help but want to explore. I seem them online, on people, in pictures, and envy them. Each dress has so much personality and can convey personality, sometimes more so than any other article of clothing. I find dresses interesting because, in the right picture, or moment, or memory, they convey glimpses of growing up, becoming a woman, and the events that shaped me on my way to adulthood.
Not only is wishing for a dress to have pockets a universal desire in the dress-wearing community, but the act of dressing up itself is a visible marker for adulthood. The chance to change from frilly frocks to sleek evening gowns provides a sense of maturity the way few other clothing items can. Sometimes it’s hard to bear leaving some markers of childhood behind, and the ability to stash trinkets and distractions like a phone or a book into my pocket provides that. I’ve had an admittedly fraught relationship with dresses, starting from when I was a tomboy who would rather play tackle football with my brother than take a dance class. However, as I’ve grown, I’ve come to appreciate the difference between feminism and femininity. Now, years later, I can wear a dress and feel comfortable because donning a dress doesn’t mean committing to being any one kind of woman.
Feeling comfortable in my own skin is a recurring theme for me, and expressing myself through my clothing choices is the most obvious way to process that battle. I’ve never desired to look like a model or have clothes that were in-season, but I’ve wanted to dress to express myself. It’s taken a lot of introspection to understand what image I want to project to the world because appearance is so often tied to identity. I carry this struggle with me as I write—how characters perceive themselves, how the world may perceive them, and how they act to change or enforce those beliefs.
At times I’ve struggled to figure out the image I want to project into the world. I grew up playing with the boys on my street, making mischief. I grew up dreading wearing dresses for fear of being mocked by my friends and hating that it was more difficult to run and play. So many milestone events in my life have been ones for which I’ve been forced into a dress, even when I wasn’t comfortable. Doing things, being put in situations that aren’t comfortable, is relatable, even if wearing dresses isn’t.
When I dig deep inside myself to question why I spent my adolescence hating dresses so fervently, I come up with a few answers: because they made me feel like an imposter; because I worried that they wouldn’t flatter me (either physically or personality-wise); because I wanted to run or flop on the couch with my legs spread without a thought to modesty; because I hated the way my legs chafed together on hot, sticky summer days. Now, with the ability to purchase my own wardrobe, armed with a stick of deodorant (will cure that chafing like whoa, trust me), I’m glad that I have fought this battle. I wouldn’t be nearly as self-aware if I hadn’t ever had to stop and consider this dilemma I faced for every milestone in life.
This struggle led me to pause and ask myself, “Why do I hate this?” A question I’ve found that will offer insight, no matter the topic. So yes, I do wish this dress had pockets, but my purse can hold more stuff, anyway.
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Television Tuesdays: Broad City
Overview
Broad City is about two 20-something women living in New York City and their ride-or-die friendship. For these two, nothing is normal, everything is absurdist. It’s still recognizable as real life, just a little more – funnier, riskier, rowdier, and probably more intoxicated.
Hey Ladies
Abbi Abrams and Ilana Wexler are just two best friends trying to have a good time. While amazingly compatible friends, they’re very different people.
Abbi is a little older, a little wiser, and a lot more uptight. Abbi’s her own worst enemy. She’s an aspiring artist whose short-term goal is to be promoted from janitor to trainer at the gym where she works.
Ilana is a little younger, a little wilder, and a lot more crude. The only time she’s going to work is to pick up her paycheck or a convenient place for a mid-day nap.
The best thing about Abbi and Ilana is that they are the most important person in each other’s lives. They will do anything for the other and it’s so rare to see a female friendship as the central thesis of a show that this feels like a blessing. The show not only portrays their friendship, it celebrates it. Sure, they talk about dudes and dicks and relationships, but they always end up together.
Get Some
It’s difficult, at times, to talk about how truly progressive and amazing this show is for women, especially when it comes to sexuality. It’s difficult for a couple reasons, one because my mom reads this blog and there’s still a line of propriety that I’m not sure I’m comfortable crossing in talking about sex on the internet; and two, this show is so prolific, that it’s actually hard to narrow it down. Which, really, is why I love it.
Abbi and Ilana have sex. They have a lot of sex. They have good sex, and bad sex, and weird sex. They hit on guys. They get excited when they’re called “hot”. They call their vaginas “pussies” or any other number of slang words. They have kinks, and they’re not ashamed. They try things. They experiment. They are fluid in their sexuality and it’s not a big deal. They don’t make a point to label themselves or pigeon-hole each other. They date and hook-up, they have one-night stands, and they celebrate being single. They’re just two broads, having a good time living in New York City.
Television Tuesdays: Sense8
Show Overview
I’m not going to lie, Sense8 is batshit crazy. It may not be for everyone, but for some, it’ll be the show they’ve been waiting for. If, like me, your weaknesses include: found families, beautifully built relationships, women who appear weak but can actually Fuck You Up, broken boys, confused girls, and are super into the idea of sharing brain space with strangers, this show is for you!!!
The show follows eight sensates (characters who are connected on a metaphysical level through a super cool mental walkie-talkie. Except instead of speaking telepathically they kind of astral project) as they begin to learn what they are, how/why they’re connected, and as they try to escape being lobotomized by a super scary corporation of Bad Guys.
Admittedly, the sci-fi-ness and in-show mythology can be daunting. The show doesn’t rely heavily on exposition of what is happening, rather it gives the audience time to figure out what is happening in time with the characters. That delay of information, gratification, explanation – whatever you’ll call it – can be off-putting. But the conflict, relationships, and action are all so beautifully crafted and entwined, that you should at least give the show a chance.
Characters
Sun Bak (South Korea): Sun Bak does not have time for your bullshit. Quiet and fierce, Sun can beat the ever-loving shit out of pretty much anyone, and has an amazing dog.
Wolfgang Bogdanow (Germany): 😍 at Wolfie for daaaaaays. Someone needs to wrap him in a hug and never let go. Wolfgang is a thief that operates so mercilessly at times, you worry he may be a sociopath. A hot, badass sociopath.
Capheus (Kenya): 😍 at Capheus, too. He has a love for Jean-Claude Van Damme that is more adorable than you could anticipate, going so far as to name his transport van the Van Damn. Bad things keep happening to him, and yet he maintains a wonderful optimism.
Kala Dandekar (India): Kala has a spirit so wonderfully pure, at times you may worry she is naive. Instead, she’s fleshed out into a kind, caring woman with a deep sense of faith and an obligation to do what is right.
Riley Blue (London, via Iceland): Riley is lonely and profoundly sad. She’s a DJ who refuses to go back to Iceland and visit her father, despite that clearly being where she left her heart.
Will Gorski (Chicago): A Chicago cop and all around good guy. He’s brave and sweet, with a heart of gold; basically a puppy dog.
Nomi Marks (San Francisco): A hacker and social justice advocate, Nomi is a trans woman in a beautiful, loving relationship. She’s approximately five seconds from opening up her own hacking/detective agency with her girlfriend, Neets, at any given time.
Lito Rodriguez (Mexico): Drama queen movie star. He’s in a closeted (yet fierce) relationship with his live-in boyfriend before his beard moves in with them. Then there’s even more drama.
Representation
This show actually has it!!! It is racially diverse! It has multiple sexualities being represented! In a positive way! It has a trans female character being played by a trans actress! There are monogamous couples and couples that participate in orgies and oh my word, so much is happening and it’s wonderful.
Canon Relationships
When we’re introduced to the Sensates and their world, three of them are already in relationships. The best thing about this show is that all of the relationships (both platonic and romantic) are so dynamic and interesting. Some of the main characters never interact until the finale – believe me when I tell you that the payoff there is beyond great. Some characters only appear to one another in times of great emotional distress, while some sensates fall in love.
I’m not going to lie, I’m almost to the point where I just ship everyone on this show and polyamory. If nothing else, it would probably be easier. (And if you do go this route, well, episode 6 is for you!) There are a lot of couples to keep track of otherwise.
Lito, our Mexican movie star, is in a beautiful (but closeted) relationship with Hernando. Hernando is great and the most attractive and if you disagree you can just leave right now. They’re adorable, but their relationship hits some major turbulence over the course of the season, but it’s all handled intelligently. Also, their kisses are 🔥🔥🔥
Nomi, our amazing LGBT blogger/hacker extraordinaire is in a lesbian relationship with Neets. They are completely in sync and so delightfully supportive of one another and so, so in love.
Kala, our Indian pharmaceutical wiz, is engaged to Rajan at the beginning of the series. Despite the fact that it’s a love match, Kala is not so sure Rajan is the dude for her. He’s lovely and charming, but his father owns the pharmaceutical company Kala works for and also wants to tear down the temple at which she prays. But before long she meets Wolfgang, another sensate, and can’s stop looking at him. (Bless episode 5. Bless.) I honestly can’t blame her. That’s not even hitting the tip of the iceberg as to how perfect Kala and Wolfgang are for one another, so let’s have some evidence:
The other ship that’s out of the world between Sensates is the developing relationship between Riley and Will. Riley is the character that you will end the season yelling “someone HOLD HER” and Will is just the cutest little puppy dog that you just want to be happy. They’re stupidly cute together. Where Kala and Wolfgang had me yelling MAKE OUT at the screen, Will and Riley actually had me yelling “HOLD HANDS”.
So, it’s not just the bountiful shipping opportunities. It’s that your ships WILL ACTUALLY SAIL.
Batshit Craziness
It’s hard to quantify something that’s insane or action-packed without simply reverting to a refrain of, “oh my god, oh my god, oh my god” or simply yelling, “It’s so good????”. One of the things I found compelling about the show is that it’s actually really heartwarming and affirming.
Don’t worry, there’s still plenty of intrigue, drama, and consistent doses of “what the hell did I just watch?”. It is made by the Wachowski siblings, after all.
Last but not least: the cool fight sequences. Cool fight sequences that often rely on the sensates astral projecting (or whatever you want to call it) into each others’ lives and realities so that they can take part in the action.
Molly Kasperek 